Being gay vs. Being Jew
Newsgroups: ba.motss,soc.motss
Path: netcom.com!vadim
From: vadim@netcom.com (Vadim Temkin)
Subject: Being gay vs. Being Jew
Keywords: gay, Jew
Organization: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 241-9760 guest)
Date: Sat, 3 Jul 1993 05:28:50 GMT
Last few weeks, when I started my coming out process, I was
hunted with sense of deja vu while reading the discussions on
self-identification, queer vs. gay, gay culture vs. gay communi-
ty, what is Gay Pride, and so on. I found that I already knew all
of that and then some more, but couldn't figure out from where.
Then, last week I and my fiend saw excellent short feature "Deaf
Heaven" at the San Francisco International Lesbian and Gay Film
Festival, which among other things drew parallel between old Jew
who lost his family in Auschwitz, and young gay man loosing his
lover to AIDS. On our way home she (my friend) asked me 'Why one
have to suffer such terrible things oneself to understand what is
love and what is life, why it's not enough to learn from others?'
I answered without a long thought, that one had survive some-
thing, just about anything, to understand what is pain, love, and
life.
I was puzzled why I tried to explain to my newly acquired gay
friends (my first GAY friends) what it was to be Jewish in Soviet
Union; it didn't seem to be "motss-relevant", but I haven't
talked (or even thought) about this experience for long time. And
I couldn't understand, why when asked 'How it was to be gay in
Soviet Russia', my first impulse was to answer 'I was not gay in
Russia'. It was silly, because I knew I was gay very early in my
life.
Finally, I put all these things together. I don't believe that I
am the first who discovered this, but it is my own discovery.
Being gay in America, and being Jewish in Russia are two very
closely matching things. There are parallels for almost every-
thing.
First, why I wasn't gay in Russia? It's simple - because I was a
Jew in Russia. One's self-identification is what others (let's
say, mainstream) call that person (or would call that person if
they new) in simple day-to-day situations. This is simple social
taxonomy. Mother of my non-Jewish friend would use something like
"what's his name, that... Jewish friend of yours". And you can
substitute "Jewish" for "black", or "Chinese", or in absence of
any other differentiating factors - "gay". However "black" or
"Chinese" is little different - there is no a slightest chance of
"coming out" - it's too obvious.
There is no such thing as coming out as Jew to you parents,
after all it's their fault or blessing. (BTW, it's the same with
sexual orientation - because Jewishness in Russia is not matter
of nurture, it's not religion, it's just your blood.) The other
difference is that you don't have to put "Gay" in your Passport,
school record, or library card.
Except of parents and Passports - everything else is very simi-
lar. You can be beaten, just because you are [Jew|gay]. You'll be
called [Yid|queer] and it will be very derogatory. You'll call
yourself amongst your [Jewish|gay] friends [Yid|queer] without
any hesitation. You love to tell [Jewish|gay] jokes, and hate
when [non-Jewish|straight] people do the same. You have two set
of friends, [Jewish|gay], and [non-Jewish|straight], and you can
love your [non-Jewish|straight] friends, but still some topics
would be impossible to discuss with them.
You would wear (or you would never wear) [yellow star|pink trian-
gle], so people who ordinarily wouldn't care about your[national-
ity|sexual orientation] would recognize it from the first sight -
and this is [Jewish|gay] pride. You know names of all famous
people, who were [Jewish|gay] even if no Encyclopedia mention it
- and this is [Jewish|gay] pride too. You hate [Jews|gays] who
pretend that they have other [nationality|sexual orientation].
And, when "liberation" begins, thousands people gather [in front
of Bolshoi Ballet|at the Parade route] to celebrate [Hanukkah|Gay
Pride Day] together with other [Jews|gays] and in front of gener-
al public.
And as a total liberation, you can emigrate to [Israel or Ameri-
ca|the Castro or Greenwich Village], to find out that you are not
[Jew|gay] there anymore, but rather [gay|Jew, or whoever], be-
cause society always finds what is so different about you.
I found that parallelism fascinating, and just wanted to share it
with you.